Sad eyes baby it's been such a long time

The symptoms I exhibit. How fitting that I would physically feel dizzy, off balance and confused when, for many years, that is how I would have described my state. Disoriented. That is, if I had spoken word about my feelings at all.
I remember feeling quite empty, so empty and on repeat... or backwards. That's just it- I have no idea what direction I was headed. I attempted to fill that emptiness with passion, drive, love. I searched for hidden meanings everywhere. I still do, although these messages have since morphed to lessons. I gain an understanding. As those who have found messages and sayings hidden beneath the immediate surface. The backmasking. I'm like that kid who sat on the bedroom floor penning down the distortion I heard when I accidentally kicked the record player. I could have sworn I heard things there, stories told a little differently. I do not seek, I simply keep my ears and eyes open. Always believing that my days here have some sort of hidden meaning makes me feel a little less insane. Having purpose... sounding quite crazy?

I have been thinking about home a lot lately. What the quiet was like, how dark it got...