In my experience so far, it seems to gets more and more difficult the older you get, to make and maintain true friendships. After figuring myself out, fighting my own battles, when the sky had seemingly cleared- I looked up and practically everyone I knew was gone. We had all dispersed. It's only natural.
While I miss the chit chats and the time spent with close friends, it isn't to say that I am stuck feeling incredibly unhappy or lonely. I consider myself a fairly content loner more often than not. It's true. I enjoy the company of myself and time spent alone too. I spent many years depending on others for security, happiness and welfare. I was uncomfortable unless surrounded by people constantly. The moment I found and obtained a sense of independence, I embraced it. Being by myself (in a certain sense), has allowed me to learn so much about who I am. Adopting a no-nonsense approach. I can see so clearly now what it is that I want and the things I most certainly do not have room or time for. I never need to feel lost in a crowd or a part of something I don't belong to when I am doing my own thing. Of course, it can get to the point where, yes, I simply feel like an outcast. It means a lot to me to simply have someone there. There is a wish to feel respected and appreciated by people (vice versa) outside of your primary relationship. There are days I am certain I can drive Jeff crazy too. It is a lot to handle- the mockery, the pranks, hours spent in malls and stores, the insane energy, the dancing and theatrics.
Upon posting yesterday, I received messages from a few old friends. It is then I had to grin. In one swift swoop, they came in willing to reconnect. Zero judgments, as caring as ever and understanding when you simply tell it like it is.
